Emotion Coaching

   I love the idea of emotion coaching.  We spend so much of our lives trying to figure out things that could have been handled as kids.  What if our parents would have allowed us the space to feel angry?  What if we were allowed to feel sad?  What if we were asked how we were feeling inside of being told to not feel that way?  Or what if we were able to talk about things that were bothering us?  How much better would things be for us as adults when we have a whirlwind of emotion and the "right" tools to handle it??

   John Gottman has some great insights on the idea of emotion coaching.  He defines a parenting type as just that: an "Emotion Coach."  In her article, An Introduction to Emotion Coaching, Ellie Lisitsa lists 5 steps that are important to emotion coaching:

• Be aware of your child’s emotion
• Recognize your child’s expression of emotion as a perfect moment for intimacy and teaching
• Listen with empathy and validate your child’s feelings
• Help your child learn to label their emotions with words
• Set limits when you are helping your child to solve problems or deal with upsetting situations appropriately

https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-emotion-coaching/

  Two questions that I loved from the emotion coach week in class were these:  What does it mean to let your child act his/her age? and What is the outcome of treating your child with respect?  I learned a long time ago, before I was even a parent, the importance of acting your age.  For me, it wasn't hard to let my kids be their age and I still do this today.  I get easily annoyed when others expect my 8-year-old son to act so much older than he is.  We're only kids once and we should be allowed to act like it.  Along side of that is respect.  Any kid can be taught and shown the importance of respect.  I feel that example comes from parents first and other adults in their lives second.  If I expect my son or daughter to act respectfully while acting their ages, then I need to act respectfully to others.  And act my age too, I guess.

   I am always so proud of my kids when they aren't afraid to act themselves.  Even when that means acting their age.  I love that the Lord commanded us to become like children, meek and mild.  I think that He is telling us to "act our age" and allow ourselves to be taught with an open mind and open heart.

References

Lisitsa, Ellie.  An Introduction to Emotion Coaching.  The Gottman Institute.https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-emotion-coaching/